HarryPierce:or am I on the wrong track about the meaning of 'carrier frequency'.
I'm afraid you are - as I said, the wavelength of the IR led isn't too critical here. Any IR led will do.
The
 thing is that the command codes you see described in the service manual
 are low frequency (as you calculated) pulse trains, which are then used
 to amplitude modulate (simply on/off) an oscillator (running at the 
carrier frequency), and the resulting signal is then used to drive the 
transmitter leds on and off. Here's a web site that describes this with 
pictures:
http://www.sbprojects.com/knowledge/ir/index.php
Think
 of it as an AM radio transmitter / receiver pair if you wish - the 
pulse train you want to send corresponds to the audio signal, not the 
electromagnetic radiation leaving the antenna. The discrete IR receivers in the newer B&O devices actually closely resemble a direct mode, fixed frequency 455 kHz AM receiver, with a photo diode in place of an antenna!
There
 are some remote control protocols that don't use a carrier and directly
 drive the IR light output (such as the ITT protocol described on the 
site above), but B&O never used any of those.
I took a look at
 the BM8000 service manual which includes the internal schematics of the
 Terminal. It uses an SN 76831 transmitter IC; apparently by Texas 
Instruments, but it's too old to have any documents online... luckily 
the internal block diagram is shown, and it has first a 455 kHz main 
oscillator, followed by apparently a 1:11 divider block, which is then 
used to gate the LED driver. This would give a carrier frequency of 
455/11 kHz ~= 41 kHz, which does make sense.
With an Arduino, you 
can set up one of the timer/oscillators of the AVR controller to run at 
the required carrier frequency and simply gate it on/off with the pulse 
train you want to transmit, and get the signal to drive the transmitter 
LED out of an I/O pin. That way you don't need an external hardware 
oscillator nor do you have to worry about generating the carrier in 
software, and the timing for the much lower frequency IR command codes 
becomes quite easy. After the setup phase, you can simply toggle a register bit on and off to control the IR carrier sent to the led, and from the programmer's point of view the problem is reduced to what you anticipated at first.
The Arduino web site and forums have plenty of
 examples on IR remote control including ready libraries you might be 
able to use. Good luck, it's a fun project 